Full disclosure, I was the guy in your fantasy league who picked Carlos Quentin in 2008 and reminded you on a some-what-daily basis that you could’ve claimed him on waivers but chose not to because you suck.
Then Carlos Quentin reminded me that I suck because I trusted him to carry his ungodly 2008 into 2009.
Then, despite his batting-average dropping almost 50 points to .236, I trusted him to “rebound” in 2010… except Carlos Quentin hates me (or this was a weird karmic response) and decided to deliver a mediocre .250ish/25ish/90ish stat line.
So, for 2011, Carlos Quentin was dead to me. I let anyone who was willing the opportunity to draft him because, if history has taught me anything, it’s perfectly acceptable to hold an unfounded grudge in fantasy sports… even if there’s a chance the guy actually has a bounce-back year because he’s actually healthy for the first time in 2+ years.
Yes, Carlos Quention hates me. But there’s a significant chance he loves you. Let’s graph:
Yikes, a graph! Okay, so the HRs have been pretty consistent, which we knew already. He’s what’s looking up for my arch-nemesis, CQ: batting average is definitely on the up-swing, and his OPS is, once again, in that aforementioned “ungodly” territory. So all signs point to Quentin regaining some of that .280ish/35ish/100+ish form that made me the luckiest girl at the prom in 2008. So, if you were lucky enough to grab this guy for cheap in a auction or, who knows, maybe the pick RIGHT AFTER ME in a draft, congrats. Ride him ’til the shows over… or until he breaks his hand by punching a wall in frustration after striking out (see 2008’s version).
Ryan Raburn, OF/2B* — Still striking out a ton (25K’s in 65 ABs), but he’s potentially on the cusp of one of those 2010 “Ryan Raburn Hotstreaks” with 2 HRs in 2 days. Couldn’t hurt to throw him in at 2B in daily leagues if you have that options. God knows most people dumped him already (available in 65% ESPN leagues).
Jose Bautista, 3B/OF — Joey Bats needed a single for the cycle. He didn’t get it. I don’t care, I still have a huge man-crush on him and his nickname.
Anibal Sanchez, SP — Almost pitched his second no-hiter before turning 28, meaning he’s already eclipsed anything I’ll do and he’s spotting me 2 years. I don’t like him and it’s not because he’s making me feel down-and-out about my own accomplishments… it’s mainly because he has a girl’s name.
Bizzaro-Cole Hamels, SP — Bet you didn’t think it was possible for Hamels to grow facial hair, huh? Well, he can and he pitches better with it. I hope this inspires him to go off the deep-end and challenge himself to grow a Danny Haren-esque, disgusting, mangy beard. 8 innings, 8 K’s. But it was against the Padres. My prediction? He shaves and goes back to a 6IP, 7K, 3BBI next time. No W promised.
Brandon League, RP — Are the Mariners on a hot streak? Yes. Will it continue? Probably not. Should I ride their closer until next week? Yes. Do it now!